A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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