Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
