Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
