Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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