Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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