My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
