I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
