You smell like a Billy Joel song
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
