Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
