His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
