the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
