I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
