So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My balls are so social today.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
