If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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