Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
