Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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