We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
