your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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