I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Be still, my beating vagina.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
