Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just high enough for therapy.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
