The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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