hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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