New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
