is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
