Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
