i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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