if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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