if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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