Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
