Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
