Small penises have feelings too.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
