The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
