Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
