my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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