mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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