shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
