Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
