I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
