Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
