i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
