They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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