If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
