I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
