I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
