I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
