do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
