New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
