I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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