My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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