you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
