You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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