let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Boobs are out for the taking
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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