Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
